In my haste to create the best blog in the world about the best meal of the day, I somehow created a ‘formula’ that I’ve felt compelled to follow… rating interior, food, staff etc. Well the formula SUCKS! I don’t actually know why I continued to write this way… I stopped enjoying it a long time ago.
So baring this in mind, I am going to write a new post, wholly and completely different from anything before, although I will include ratings because let’s be honest… everyone loves rating things (Facebook root rate pages anyone?)
When I first started this little written endeavour I was too scared to write anything negative because I didn’t want to stand on peoples toes BUT I am so bloody sick of the Urban List and Weekend Edition giving me false hope on breakfast places. Seriously, I read a little article about a supposedly great new place and then I go and feel deflated as I sit there stirring my coffee, fists clenched furious that I once again fell for the pretty photography on the Facebook page! Why have I not learnt?!?!
First off the cuff is Primal Pantry in Teneriffe… and I visited this when it first opened and then maybe a month later. So yes, this post has been sitting in my drafts for a long time.
The new kid off the block in Tenerife is a 100% paleo and GLUTEN FREE café/grocer located on Florence Street (yeah you heard me… just up the road from Sourced Grocer – gutsy move right?!?!). Now, being the first paleo eatery in Brisbane (well the first that I am aware of) has meant there has been a lot of hype and anticipation surrounding the opening of this appropriately named and alliterated café. Primal – as in paleo – as in Paleolithic – as in eating like a caveman… have you got my drift? If you are not up to date on the paleo diet I suggest you visit our old friend Google or just click here. Basically, it is getting back to basics and eating like a caveman, meat, eggs and fresh fruit and vegetables. So was I duly impressed? You know this one has had me stumped, but I have come to the conclusion that I just don’t like it.
I like the concept. I loved the food. The coffee is phenomenal (you must get it made on coconut milk. It was as if a little cherub had bathed in my cup and made it heavenly). The staff were lovely, very informative and they took the time to remember my name on the first visit… I know I have just said I liked everything, but the thing I love about breakfast is the vibe, and you will roll your eyes at me, but I like to eat at a place that has a bit of god damn soul! And Primal Pantry, I am sorry to be so blunt but your vibe sucks. Actually, it doesn’t suck because there is no vibe.
I’m going to put this ‘lack of vibe’ down to the location and interior. It just doesn’t quite come together. You can tell what they are trying to achieve but it doesn’t translate well at all… AND YOU CANNOT SAY YOU ARE A CAFÉ/GROCER when your ‘grocer’ part is just a wee stand in the corner. It’s the same as the advertising for free-range chickens… you think those little chickens are running through green pastures with the odd daisy popping up through the luscious lawn, but really they live in a barn, and their ‘green pastures’ is in reality just a smattering of chicken poop covered straw. So don’t go to Primal Pantry for breakfast expecting to kill two birds with one stone… you will get breakfast, but you wont get the ingredients needed to make dinner.
Oh PS on the food front it was AH-MAZING so if you don’t care about the vibe then trot on down… I recommend the Proscuitto Wrapped Asparagus with fried duck egg and hazelnut – I added mushrooms – it was phenomenal – Im going to give it a 4/5 for deliciousness. Check out their menu here.
Cnr Florence & Macquarie St, Teneriffe
07 3252 5960
Follow them on facebook and instagram @primalpantry
Open 7 days, 7am – 3pm